This BLOG dedicated to transforming shyness into wholeness and happiness.


Why are you shy? Perhaps your shyness is guiding you to someone and some things more wonderful than you can imagine. Maybe you are destined for deeper understanding, meaningful work, and mutually compassionate relationships.

Shyness Transformation

Imagine going from someone too shy to purchase a book on shyness; too shy to have a successful job interview; too shy to ask for someone’s phone number; too shy to attend social activities; too shy to go on dates --- to someone who looks others in the eye; finds rewarding, interesting, and creative work; travels internationally; finds their partner in life; finds happiness and joy in the world; and even speaks to large groups of people on occasion.

My journey led me to discover the Principles that Transform Shyness. Applying these principles leads to a Process of Understanding Shyness. Living the principles and following a process allows The Secret and Ways of Transforming Shyness to work for you when you most need some help.

Audience

If you are interested in personal growth, change, and transformation then you are in the right place! This site is written for those who have already worked on their shyness (social anxiety, insecurity, quietness) --- perhaps making progress only to experience a setback; perhaps not finding solutions that worked; perhaps not yet creating the happiness they seek. Having personal experience working on your shyness gives you the foundation for understanding and applying the information on this site.

Source

The Shy and Free site contains both original content and links to useful web sites. The source of the original material on this site is direct experience and is not from any particular philosophy, psychology, religion, or spirituality. Occasionally there will be a reference or quote from someone when the source of an important learning is remembered. More often, the lessons were gifts from others, taken in, combined with other learning through experience. Additional web resources and some of the influences of this site can be found on the Resources page.

Truth

The truth present on this site has the power to spark the truth that is already in your heart, mind, and soul and one spark is enough to light the fire of transformation.

The solution to your shyness may not be what you expect

The solution to your shyness may not be what you expect (if it were, you would have already found the answer).

Moving toward happiness

Moving toward something will bring you success and happiness. Trying to get rid of something only keeps you stuck. You could spend a lifetime answering the questions "How can I overcome my shyness?" and "What causes shyness?" While this would be an interesting exploration, nothing would change.

You get what you resist. What you resist you get because personal change does not happen through opposition.

What is the point to all the struggle?

Shyness leads to self-consciousness which leads to consciousness which leads to freedom.

shyness => self-consciousness => consciousness => freedom.

Until we are free, we can experience much pain. When asked what to do with all the pain the poet Rilke said "Feel it and keep moving because you deserve to be happy".

The point of the struggle and pain is to discover the courage to really love yourself and others . . . to be Shy and Free.

Change

What part of you wants to change? It can’t be shy part because its purpose is to protect you. If it is not the shy part that wants to change, then there must be others parts of you yearning to be set free.

Change occurs when you can recognize the shy part of you and, at the same time, the other parts. Being totally identified with the shy part is extremely painful. The shy part can’t see how not to be shy, only the other parts of yourself can.

The more you try to change or get rid of your shyness, the more your shyness is reinforced. The more you are in touch with other parts or yourself, the freer you are to express the whole you and experience changes in your life.

The Many Parts of You

We all are made up of many parts (sub-personalities, tendencies, gifts, talents, etc.). Shyness is just one part of you. While shyness may be leading you now, what about all the other parts? Do you remember moments of adventure, curiosity, courageousness, creativity, or joy? These memories could be recent or from childhood and show that you are much more than your shyness.

Good and Bad?

There are not good and bad parts of you, all parts of you are acting/performing in your best interest. Part of your journey is to discover what good each part is trying to do for you. Understanding the shy part can direct you to happiness and finding your true purpose in life once you truly learn to listen non-judgmentally

Finding the Real You

What is the real you? How much of your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and understanding comes from your parents, your culture, your past experience? What beliefs do you hold that are self and life affirming? What beliefs do you hold that are judgmental and critical?

Is part of you yearning to be free of the past and be fully present now? Is the real you the center of all these parts? What would happen if the real you were in touch with all the parts of yourselF?